Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
