Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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