Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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