Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
