So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
