i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.