you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space