Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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