i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.