How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason