You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.