my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
