Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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