maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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