Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
