Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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