I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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