I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
