You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
