we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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