We're like a lot better than the average bears
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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