And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
