Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
