i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
