just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
