part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
