how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
