My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize