That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
