I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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