True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize