Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
