He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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