can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
