oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
