It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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