I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
