Got a toothbrush?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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