I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
