glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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