Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
