My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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