Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
