gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
