Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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