oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
