I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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