I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
