We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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