I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
