pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
