Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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