Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
