you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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