"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
