you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party