He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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