I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
