the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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