i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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