but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's never too late to be topless.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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