Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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