I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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