hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
