Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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