so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
