Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
