I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize