I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
