Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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