Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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