i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
