She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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