Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
